I remember vividly the first time I watched pornography at eleven years old. It was as shocking as it was thrilling. With unlimited internet access and no accountability, my adolescent pernicious curiosity turned into inescapable cyber slavery. For years after, I struggled in secret, knowing it was wrong but unable to stop.

Studies show pornography can lead to chemical addiction, but I’ve discovered it’s also a spiritual stronghold imprisoning millions worldwide. Over and over again, I confessed to the Lord with tears, “Lord, please help me!” But failure and guilt drove me deeper into shame and seclusion. Something was missing. If God really forgave and healed me, why did I, like a dog returning to eat its own vomit, keep relapsing?

Shortly after I graduated from college, the Holy Spirit started asking me if I’d ever confessed to another person before? Initially hesitant, James 5:16 convinced me: “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.”

So I gave it a try! I still remember the first time: everything in my body resisted releasing the words, shame shackled my mouth shut, my pride screaming within, “DON’T YOU DARE DO IT!” But man, I’m telling you, as soon as those dreaded words left my lips, I felt like the Light of Christ came bursting into my heart, obliterating the darkness that had controlled me for all those years.

In his book Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer challenges us with a simple question: “Why is it often easier to confess our sins to God rather than a brother?” He continues, “God is holy and sinless; He is a just judge of evil and the enemy of all disobedience. But a brother is sinful as we are…” So why is it harder?

I say Pride. Nothing is new under the sun; our culture is no different than generations past: we are “lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud,” and much more (2 Timothy 3). We are experts at what Jesus said, “doing everything to be seen by others” (Matthew 23). Saving face is more important to us than Saving Grace!

Confession, however, reveals the weakest, most vulnerable part of us. Not only that, it exposes that heinous living organism, sin, which I will call “the parasite,” leeching inside us, sucking our lives away day by day under the deceitful disguise of pleasure and freedom. The Apostle Paul confirms, “If I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it” (Romans 7). The parasite will always viciously fight to stay alive and retreat inside the fortress of our pride when threatened.

By experience, I’ve found that the most effective way to slay that life-mooching parasite is through brotherly/sisterly confession, an opportunity to act in faith and self-destruct pride at the same time. I say self-destruct because a piece of you will die! But the Lord promises you, “If you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the flesh, you will live” (Romans 8).

Through confession, we not only gain the help and prayers of a trusted brother or sister in Christ, but we also confess to the Spirit of Christ living within them. Confession to a brother is confessing to the Holy Spirit with the faithful promise of forgiveness and healing (1 John 1).

Confession is not a one-and-done deal, as I’ve had to confess many times. And trust me, there have been many times that I’ve only confessed the half-truth, still trying to save face and make my sin not look THAT bad. If you do that, know that the Spirit won’t let you go until you share the whole truth, so Help me God!

The last thing I’ll share that the Lord has been teaching me is that confession without accountability is meaningless. Put another way, confessing to someone who doesn’t know you well or is not intimately involved in your daily life CHANGES NOTHING. Confession is not just about saying words. It’s a lifestyle of transparency before God and a few trusted brothers/sisters, as the Light of Christ only shines through windows, not walls. I say trusted because confidentiality is of utmost importance, as many have been shattered by gossip in the church after genuine confession. 

Today, I have seven accountability partners who I know will drop everything to receive my confession, pray for my healing, and faithfully check in with me throughout the week. Even though I am no longer bound by pornography, I never let my guard down. I’ve given my friends access to everything I do on my phone and computer through an accountability software called Accountable2You. You have to ask yourself, as my pastor Chris Nesbitt once asked me, concerning victory over sin and life in Christ, “How bad do you want it?”

I will leave you with some questions to consider: Are you lone-wolfing your fight against sin? Are you surrounding yourself with a community of Spirit-filled Christ-followers? Are you willing to lay down pride and let your brother or sister in?